he puts the penis in happiness.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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