She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
