Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
