his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
