They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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