I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
