OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
