Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
