laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You're like the curious george of whores
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
