My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
