....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
