Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
