Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
