I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
