When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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