Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
