Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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