Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
