i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
