i just had sex bonerless
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
