Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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