Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
