how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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