I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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