I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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