i was born a porn star she said
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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