eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
