I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
