I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
