hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
