you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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