Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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