Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize