So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
