Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
