i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
