Will you blow on my dice?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
