Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize