I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
