sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
