3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
