Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
