as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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