I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
