I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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