Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
