So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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