My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
