I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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