I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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