fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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