I can't breathe out the right side of my face
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
