I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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