I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
