Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
