omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
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