What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Your penis caused this!
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