i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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