if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Fuck appropriateness.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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