This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
