Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
