So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
