All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
