8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
