he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize