there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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