im drinking this country out of the recession.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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