i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
