How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
