Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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