it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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