I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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