Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
